stra8xtacy

=/

helping my mom and her husband and my brother both move. oy.

trying to get published/writing up a storm.

toddler.

just extremely busy.

i miss all of you. <3

i think i may be deleting this. i'm not sure.

would someone PLEASE babysit my child so i can go see Twilight tonight?

=( *cries profusely*

Alrighty then...SOOOOOO...

I am so ridiculous when it comes to keeping this journal updated. I am a wretched excuse for a blogger. Forgive me internet-gods!

Whole family has been sick, which adds to the insane business. On top of everything else there has been numerous doctor's appointments and such. Having a blast, promise.

OMG I WATCHED SPEEDRACER. (My husband's pick, not mine.) I felt this insatiable urge for suicide! Has anyone else had this reaction? Speedracer; strange side-effects may include: dizziness, vomiting, growing another head, loss of appetite, rash, ruptured blood vessels, suicide.

And...yup, that will be all.

Just finished reading 'Daughters of the North' by Sarah Hall. Good. And sort of what I envision for our future, to boot.

Okay not to be gross--even though this is--but I've been, um, bl**ding for 2 weeks straight now. Sort of getting freaked out. Yes, I know, I need to make an appointment with my OBGYN, but still. Just don't need anymore bad news right now, you know? Has anyone else experienced anything like this?

Anyyywayy, other than that, life is...strenuous? Okay? Fair? Hayden is sick with a summer cold, but really not that bad. Vince is busy..and busy..and busy. Yup. And I'm just sort of coping, listing through the days in this funky state of I-don't-know-what. I can't even remember what I did yesterday..or an hour ago for that matter.

I feel so different from all the people I used to know. I'm not saying it's bad, just a revelation of sorts. It takes me by surprise. It isn't that no one has children, because they do, but they have children and they're still out f*cking everyone they meet, and drinking a case every two days, and here's little old me, birthing a son and growing my own vegetables and staying at home painting picture frames. Hah. Just a little surreal I guess.

The Dark Knight.

Boss.

The End.

leaving for the beach. bye.

Goodbye papaw.

I love you.

I'll miss you.

Save a spot in heaven for me.

they're flying us out. nervous as you-know-what. not leaving though until Oct. don't want to wait so long, but it's the only option.

My grandpa (in TX) is dying. He had a liver transplant, due to cancer, about a month ago and it didn't work. So now the cancer is in his blood. It's doubtful he'll make it to see this Xmas.

So this means I'm running out of time and fast. My grandpa hasn't even met his 2 year old great-grandson yet. Takes about 4 hrs. to fly from here in PA to TX. Problem is that my son IS two...and of course kids can't cry on planes anymore. f. u. world.

By car is brutal, believe me I know, I've done it all my life. If you drive nonstop, by day and all night, it takes 2-3 days. Now it would probably take us about 4-5, having Hayden with us and having to stop and play along the roadside the entire way across the country. Let's add that neither of our cars are ready to take this trip; they SUCK.

I've thought about renting an RV. It's driving, yes. But by the same token, Hayden would have a place to play, sleep, poop, etc. Can you imagine the gas though?

WHAT DO I DO???? I need to get to my g-pa ASAP. I feel positively fucked.

Haven't had much going on lately. Waiting, waiting, waiting for the beach.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-3qncy5Qfk&NR=1

i'm dying.

Hayden is turning two on Feb. 19. This is something I'm sure I will feel nostalgic about for years to come, even when he is 32 and weirded out by my teary-eyed optimism. I really do remember every moment of the labor, and before, and after, for that matter. I remember thinking while pushing that it really IS what women tell you, pushing a watermelon out of a lemon, or feeling like you're splitting apart. And the fact that women willingly do this, never knowing what we're going to get out of it, if anything, is amazing all on its own. Hayden could grow up to be a dissapointing drug-addict that I may never hear from, or a tattoo artist, or the president. You just never know.

Ran into an old friend over last weekend. Someone who was literally a sister but then drifted so far away from me I couldn't fathom it. She came to visit; I think she doesn't know what to think of how much I've changed since dancing in bars in a miniskirt. I truly wonder if we'll have anything in common anymore.

That's because I cry dry tears.

So...

Being a mom is really hard. Who knew? Right.

Hayden is 19 months old and... spirited. Soon entering the terrible twos, although I feel like we've been in them since he was 6 months old.

I've gone back to "work". Writing. A lot. Entering the realm of short stories. This place sent me a package; they help you get your book published, and on the big white envelope it says "get your book published...for free!" in bold red letters. HA HA HA HA HAHAAJKSDFJAWIENF.

Then you open and read this too-good-to-be-true offer and find that a "consultation" is free, but their many packages range from $300 to nearly $1,000 depending on what you need.

See, here is what's wrong with the world. WE LIE FLAGRANTLY. Bastards.

But yeah, being the hippie-mom of my town is super-cool overall. I just truly wish I had more time to talk to you guys again. I really miss it.

<3

So yeah I just got completely BLITZED out of my head on New Year's. I had like 3 dogbites, and 7 bloody peaches, and 65 strawberry cosmoritas.

Ha okay I know I'm corny and all, but do you really think that I, at 8 and 1/2 months pregnant, was boogying down as drunk as the next hooker? Nope. This has been the most quiet New Year's of my life, spent peacefully with my hubby, and you know what? It actually wasn't that bad at all. Everybody thinks that it's almost a prerequisite to get completely smashed on New Years, until your pretty much violently ill, and then go fuck somebody A.S.A.P. And I'm not saying that in the future, I won't ever get completely smashed with my hubby on New Year's, but it's really interesting being pregnant. It totally changes your perspective because you're actually FORCED to do things in a completely different way. You can't slip-up. And I thought it would feel like a hinderance eventually, but it really isn't that bad. You feel as if you're going through something far more important than any other self-indulgent thing you could get into.

Only a month and 3 days to go. <3

I am absolutely pooped. All the time, all day long. The third trimester SUCKS FRIGGIN ASS.

By now, I have all of Hayden's clothes and baby things in order. I'm going to use an antique bassinet that my grandma has from when she was a baby, so I have that to clean off, and a carseat that was donated to me to scrub down a bit. I'm not ashamed to say that I've had to take many things that are second-hand for my baby; from people, from thrift stores, and I've turned into one hell of a dumpster diver. A lot of people I know are so "shh" about buying anything that isn't from say, Neiman Marcus, and I can't wait for these people to just fucking grow up. You definitely do what you have to do when you have a baby, especially at a younger age. Maybe it sounds strange, but it's nice to be humbled.

Thanksgiving was really great but utterly tiring. I cooked my first meal-from scratch- ever. My mother helped me out a lot, giving me pointers, and just generally making sure I didn't burn my house down. But the meal turned out really great, delicious, and all 7 of my family members crammed into my apartment really seemed to enjoy themselves. Which is all that matters anyway.

A little more than two months until I pop this little one out.....oooooooooooooooooooo man. Get out of there!!!! lol

Okay so in all seriousness, I actually LOVE being pregnant but I'm just....miserable a lot of the time now. So I'm looking forward to delivery day.

Ciao babes.<3

I feel so busy these days that I need to compile my entries into lists:

- You all suck at commenting, but then again so do I so I guess we're even.

- I have great news. I found out about a week ago that I'll be having a baby boy. And unless we would find a name we like more, his will be Hayden McKinly.

- This neighbor that lives above us has this adorable 7 month old. She's given me all of her son's old clothes; most of them have never even been worn. I'm friggin out over here. =D

- My nipples leak. Great huh?

- I'm writing some great poetry right now, about the feeling of being a mother, the feeling and spirituality of carrying a child, and it's bugging me out a bit. I'm so used to the woe-is-me routine, so used to having to be a miserable mess to write good material, but I see now that I don't have to be in some hole to come up with great writing.

- I have a brand spanking new disc of pictures to upload, which I SWEAR I will TRY to do a.s.a.p. Included are preggie pics, pics of my hubby, and various other junk.

<3 you all.

-B.

I'M MARRIED!!! WOOHOO!